I recently received a call from a friend who was extremely overwhelmed – with life. Despite her yoga practice, nutritious eating, supportive friends, and general success, she was drowning because she had too much to do. Her body ached, she couldn’t sleep, and all she wanted to do was cry. She was unmotivated and frustrated by her inability to prioritize.
My friend is an M.D. / Ph.D. student who happens to be one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever known. She has the tools she needs to succeed, and despite her superior intelligence, things have not come easy for her in life. She has fought for her success every step of the way, and she has built a village of supporters along her path. She is amazing, and I’m not the only person who knows this. It was shocking to hear her sound so defeated. Then it hit me…if she doesn’t know how to prioritize, she wouldn’t have gotten this far … so what’s going on?
Sometimes, when we have too much to do, our responsibilities overwhelm our resources, and we feel paralyzed. The threshold for stress varies from person to person, and even the most capable and functional person can hit a wall. For many of us, stress can overtake our bodies and manifest as bodily aches, pains, and eventually illness. In college, I would get sick immediately after my final exams. It eventually became a routine – the moment my body was able to relax, I would get ill with a cold. Stress can weaken us physically, mentally, and emotionally. Everyone experiences stress – whether as a student, parent, employee, child, friend, etc. – so the question becomes how to deal with it when it’s so overwhelming that we feel helpless.
The following strategies can help you manage your stress:
Gain Perspective
Have you ever heard someone say, “Don’t worry, no CEO is asked what his/her grades were in high school?” This statement is offered from a wise person who is trying to help you gain perspective; however, the sage might not be going about it in the right manner. While it’s true that you won’t wear your grades on your lapel like a scarlet letter someday, it doesn’t take away the fact that your grades may currently feel like the most important thing on your mind. This is where VALIDATION and REFLECTION come into place. First, you need to accept that feeling stressed out is completely normal and valid, and that we all go through it. Then, reflect on how you have gotten yourself through similar situations in the past and ask yourself:
1. What is the worst case scenario if I don’t do as well as I expect on this (exam, presentation, etc)?
2. How did I do last year? If the outcome was negative, is there anything I could have done differently so that a similar outcome doesn’t happen again this year?
When all else fails, take the time to participate in an activity like volunteering to be a private SAT tutor, reminding you of the things that are most important to you in your life. For me, it’s my health, happiness, family, and friends. I feel that volunteering at a local shelter, food pantry, or even a dog pound gives me a good dose of reality and perspective whenever I need to be reminded that what I’m feeling is temporary and that regardless of my performance on a stressful task, I should feel thankful that I have a roof over my head.
Set Goals
If you want to achieve something, start by writing it down. Write down the things you want to accomplish in the short and long-term. Writing down goals helps turn subjective ideas into objective realities that you can schedule and accomplish with a plan. Large goals can be broken down into smaller parts, such as: Goal: get an A in Biology. Steps to achieve this goal: find out what I have in the class right now and prepare for my final exam. Steps to prepare for final exam: organize notebook, ask teacher for study guide, schedule study group with peers, etc.
Create a Schedule
Once you have listed your goals and the steps you will take to achieve them, you should estimate how long each task will take and set deadlines.
For example, when I have a list of things I need to do, I did the following:
1. Estimate how long each task will take (ex. Grocery shopping – 1 hour, gym – 1.5 hours, read book for book club – 2 hours, clean house – 2 hours, etc.)
2. Schedule these tasks in your calendar and work backwards (ex. I know I want to be done with everything by 3 p.m. today, therefore I’ll clean house from 1-3 p.m., read from 11-1 p.m., go to the gym from 9:30-11 a.m., and go grocery shopping at 8:00 a.m.!)
From 3 p.m. on I would schedule “Free Time.” It’s important to schedule free time if you want to be highly effective, otherwise, you may feel guilty for sitting around. When people feel like they always have something they should be doing, they don’t let themselves relax. When people have scheduled the things they need to do, they can experience freedom in between their scheduled tasks. I look forward to every time block on my calendar that says, “Relax, Dinner with Friend, Free Time, etc.!”
Be Accountable
After my friend agreed to create a schedule, I told her that I’m happy if she wants to share it with me by inviting me to see her Google calendar. I find that when I’m accountable to others, I’m more likely to do what I said I was going to do. For example, if I have gotten into the routine of meeting a friend at the gym every Wednesday at 10:00 a.m., then I’m likely to show up. However, if I don’t schedule to meet a friend, I’m able to rationalize my way out of my desire to exercise since the only person I need to notify of my cancellation is me! Tell others about your plans and ask them to help you stick to your schedule.
Believe in Yourself & Ask for Help When You Need It!
Even an M.D./Ph.D student needs to ask for help sometimes. Whether you need someone to remind you of your capabilities or help you come up with a study routine, don’t feel embarrassed to reach out. My role in educational services is to help students learn to manage their time so that they can perform in school to the best of their abilities. Whether you need the support of a professional or just a friend, know that there is always someone who is just a phone call away to help you prioritize and succeed.
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